• Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
• Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
• Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.

What I also want to say is that this is not just something that effects women, however, more women are victims then men. Now allow me to share my story of courage, bravery and confidence to know I deserved so much more.

When I was 15 I started a job working at a fast food restaurant. At 16 I started dated a teen boy whom I worked with. He was 1 year older and went to a different school then I did. We also lived in far different areas of the city. He had a license and a car so he was usually the one who took care to come and see me and pick me up. We worked together an additional 2 years and during that time our relationship bloomed. He was the perfect boyfriend. He adjusted his schedule to make sure he could pick me up, drop me off, and be there when I needed him to. We spent a lot of time going to movies and doing things that we both enjoyed. It was my junior prom night and we went with a group of my friends. We went out to dinner that evening and proceeded to head back to a hotel. Since we were already sexually active, it wasn’t the ideal situation looking back, but we were safe and not drinking. The following morning was the first time I can remember that he was physically violent with me. He was upset that we’d spent the entire night with MY friends and it wasn’t his crowd. I was packing things up and he used force to push me out of his way. I hit the wall. I brushed it off, but looking back, I should have seen that as a sign. After I graduated we moved into an apartment together. It was then that things really went downhill. We both worked full time at the restaurant and had little time to do much beyond that. We also didn’t have a lot of money. The situation had now flipped and since he moved out he no longer had a car. I however did. He expected me to do all of the running, even picking him up at 12:30am when he was done, regardless of the fact that I had to be at work for 5am. He got upset when I did things with friends and he made me pay for it. He’d verbally abuse me calling me names that were far from appropriate and names you should ever call someone you love. Every time things like this happened, he spent the next day or two apologizing and giving me gifts, flowers, etc. I always got the “I’m sorry. I love you. It won’t happen again.” reply. I always believed it.

One night after I had finished working I gave one of our male co-workers a ride home. This co-worker was a mutual friend who actually attended school with my then boyfriend. I didn’t see a problem in giving a friend a ride. I was sadly mistaken. When I arrived home I was badgered as to why it took me so long. As I told him I gave a friend a ride home, he proceeded to get very loud. He started with the name calling and he even threw a hard plastic cup at me as well as a shoe. I immediately left and went to my parents. I was scared. I never told them what happened though. The next day he was scheduled to work so I decided to go home. He was waiting for me. Again I got the “I’m sorry. I love you. It won’t happen again.” reply. Again, I believed him. We talked and he agreed he took things way out of control and he wouldn’t let it happen again.

A few weeks went by and nothing really happened. It was the basic relationship that we had before. It was close to rent time and I had gotten my paycheck. For whatever reason his check was smaller then mine. He wanted more of my check then 1/2 the rent. I explained then he should give me money for using my car all the time. He never put gas in it and he never helped with repairs. This sent him off in a MAD spiral of violence and he completely turned in to a monster. He was throwing all kinds of things at me. He hit me with an open hand and followed that up with a frying pan to the side of my face. I was crying and hysterical, but he cut the phone cord and refused to let me call for help. He blocked all the doors and locked me in the closet. I couldn’t get out but the constant pounding and crying lead the neighbor to call police. When they arrived he answered the door. He proceeded to tell the police that I was out of control mentally and he was just trying to control me and calm me down so that I wouldn’t hurt myself or him. When the police seen me they asked about my face. There was no cuts but it was deeply swelled, especially my ear. I didn’t learn till later I’d lost 20% of the hearing in my left ear as a result. I explained that HE was the upset one and that he had physically hit me. The system failed me. They decided to tell us we needed to calm down and that they didn’t want to have to come back. Not removing either of us from the situation. 15 minutes after the police left, he smacked me across the back and then threw me out into the driveway wearing shorts and a t-shirt, no socks or shoes, no car keys and no wallet. I had nothing. It was winter and about 25 degrees outside! I walked to a nearby gas station to call my mom, collect. She came and got me and we went back to her house and we called the police.. This time we wanted everything documented and pictures taken. We had officially filed a report. I stayed with my mom and went back 2 days later to collect my things with my family to move out.

After careful consideration and talking with my family, we decided to not press charges at the time. In some ways it still bothers me that we didn’t but in other ways I am glad that we didn’t. He was enlisted to leave in the Military and if I had pressed charges we knew he wouldn’t be able to go. He would be here, stalking me and harassing me because I stopped him from his career. Since he was leaving for basic training and over seas shortly after that we thought it was better, leaving him go and having him out of my life rather then him stalking my life and having him making my life even more miserable. There are so many times I think that I should have went ahead with the charges, especially when years later he still contacts me and tries to communicate with me (which by the way, he still says he never hit me). The worst thing I could have done was let him get away with his crime, which is exactly what my naive teen self did.

There was so much over the years that I let go and didn’t listen to. I should have pressed charges, I should have called the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help! 1-800-799-SAFE Thankfully for me I was able to get out. I got out before I didn’t have a chance to get out. I got out before I became a statistic.

What I touched on a bit in my story, but most people tend to overlook is that with domestic violence, there is a very real chance there is also other abuse going on. Abuse is not just physical, there’s emotional abuse too. With all the recent suicides from bullying, you’d think that emotional abuse would be talked about more, but it’s not. It often falls right off the radar. Emotional abuse is very real. I’m going to share a few examples emotional abuse with you. (Source)

• Calling you names and putting you down.
• Yelling and screaming at you.
• Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
• Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
• Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
• Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
• Threatening to have your children taken away.

Emotional abuse should be taken very seriously. The reason I say that is because in my situation it started with emotional abuse. I let it go because I thought it was okay. I was supposed to be his girlfriend, so I should do what HE wants to do, right?! WRONG! But again, I was young and naive.

Today I took my shower, got the kids and myself ready and headed out to run a few errands. I’ve been comfortably doing this for a couple weeks now and I only needed to grab a few things so I didn’t think anything of it. It’s always warm in the garage, so it didn’t dawn on me that it was THAT warm outside. Imagine my surprise when I pull out of the garage, roll down the windows to no breeze and it was getting HOTTER in the truck! I look up at that neat little digital temperature thing above the rear view mirror.. 91* Surely this HAS to be a joke. Before I could leave the driveway I pulled up the weather channel and checked. It was true and looks like it’s going to stay that warm. JOY! Up went the windows and on went the air conditioning.

I do love summer, but I wasn’t prepared. Usually we ease into it and it’s not so bad. I also have other issues that make it tough. Since the accident, I’ve lost 36 pounds and well, nothing fits. I went through 32 pairs of shorts and skirts and managed to salvage 3 pairs.. THREE! I would imagine a repeat of that will happen when I go through tops. I also have had some laser scar treatment done, so I need to have a GOOD skin and body moisturizers. Many of the products I used sat all winter because I don’t tend to need them as much then and I didn’t want to push it. I used some moisturizers from EdenFantasys that I was able to use thankfully. So I added moisturizers to my list and picked up what I needed. We are also back to the point were shaving daily is another necessity. I always buy the shaving creams with extra moisturizers, but for some reason my legs feel more and more dry when I shave daily versus every 2-3 days in the winter months. It’s so strange.

Now that summer is here, I am prepared and ready and I am enjoying the rays! I am using an SPF 45 Sunscreen and living it up for as long as it lasts. On a side note.. Leather seats are the enemy and they live in my truck. I can’t win!

My friend’s car broke down last week. She was waiting on several of her friend’s to call her as she knows people that have mechanic husbands. It all ended up falling through and she needs the car for work tomorrow. She decided to call me and see what I thought. I told her that my mechanic is a pretty honest guy and he works with my husband at the paper mill. He works on cars and does mechanic work at a small shop he owns with his uncle. He’s a good guy. I got them in touch yesterday, connected them and he was supposed to pick her car up sometime yesterday. It never happened. Of course, my husband defended him saying this is is his business, but he also works at the mill and he has been working for 8 days straight (they typically don’t work more then 4 without time off). While I DO understand that, I explained that this IS his business and this was the first time he had presented himself to this potential customer. Standing her up wasn’t the best first impression. My friend is upset, with both the mechanic and me. I told her he was trust worthy, because he’s never been anything but to me or anyone I’ve referred to him. Now he wants to get the vehicle today and she is refusing to answer his calls and has probably found someone else. I will still use the mechanic, because my past experiences with him have been positive, but I have to say, I’m not sure I will refer anyone anymore. Sure, we get busy.. things come up.. but he should have called and explained and said he’d be there right away in the morning and apologized. He had no contact at all.

This is his business. It doesn’t matter if your business is big or small, you have a responsibility to your customers. The small business association works hard to help small business owners with things like loans, strategy and marketing. There is no excuse. You treat your customers good and they will come back, you treat them bad and they won’t return and they WILL share their story. Whether it is a simple chore, expenses, tax audits, marketing, etc you are responsible for your business and your actions. I truly believe that people look past this, do what they want and then don’t understand why their business has taken a back burner and is at a dead standstill. I also hate to say it, but in business it’s still true.. Treat others how you’d like to be treated.. What I want to know from everyone else is.. How do you feel about this? Do you think it’s right that my friend is upset and justified in being upset? Is my husband right? Or is the way I am seeing things right?

Merck, the makers of non-drowsy Claritin products, has teamed up with Dancing with the Stars host Brooke Burke-Charvet this spring to create a new short film titled “The Difference is Clear”. The film is a crazy, over-the-top look at two versions of one busy woman’s day who is juggling work, life and family while also dealing with allergies. I have a little sneak peek for you:

FTC Disclosure: I wrote this post while participating in a blog tour conducted by Burst Media on behalf of Claritin and have been compensated for my time commitment to the program. All views and opinions with regard to the products or company itself are my own and were not influenced, nor reviewed, by the company prior to posting.

I started out with a box of Pillsbury’s Moist Supreme White Cake. I mixed it all up according the to directions. I grabbed cupcake holders (I chose to use a white holder so it would be neater to see the color through). I placed them in my cupcake pan. The recipe made 24 cupcakes, so if you don’t have 2 cupcake pans, you will have to bake one pan, then bake the other. They baked up good in 20 minutes, so it wasn’t too bad. Once you have your white mix completely mixed up, divide the batter into 4 bowls (or more depending on the amount of colors that you would like). Four colors is a really good amount for these. Too many colors could lead to a brown mess when you mix them. I started with my first color, which was red. I put a spoonful down in each of the 24 paper cupcake holders. Next I added a spoonful of blue, followed by a spoonful of yellow and a spoonful of green. Keep in mind you are looking to fill the cupcake wrappers only about 3/4 of the way, so the spoonfuls are actually small and not a heaping amount. You can add more or less of each color though and that will make each of the cupcakes unique.

- 1 stick of unsalted butter (stick butter works better then tub butter)
- 1 Teaspoon of Vanilla Extract
- 2 1/2 Tablespoons of Milk (I used 1%)
- 1/4 Cup of Crisco
- 3 Cups of Powdered Sugar

If your frosting is too firm, you can add a little more milk. If your frosting is too runny, you can add a little more powdered sugar. I like the frosting more on the firm side because as it’s in your piping bag and warm hands it will get a little more runny. It’s also easier to pipe firmer frosting on to cupcakes.

You can add sprinkles or any decorations you wish to make them more colorful or fun.

At any rate, that’s the simple trick to making a cute and fun cupcake that the kids and everyone will love! These cupcakes got so many compliments and they were eaten up right away! Just remember that when you are baking, things like cupcakes, that there are NO RULES. You can be as creative as you want. It’s your creation and your cupcake.. Bake and decorate them as you’d like!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

I love autocorrect, but there are just some times.. just some.. It leaves you in a humored mess!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My husband suggested that we contact some IRS Tax Lawyers and see if they have a better format and system. Fried & Rosefelt are located in Washington DC, right near the IRS. They are going to be a great resource. There are many computer programs and even apps for your phone that allow you to scan receipts and organize things. It’s not so much the fear of the IRS or even taxes that bother me (of course we’ve never had to pay in), its more the worry that I will do something incomplete or worse mess up numbers and get audited years later. I am really happy that I have an accountant to help me with the process and if we aren’t sure, we just don’t include it. I am sure that is playing it safe, but better that then an audit.

For us, we don’t plan on our taxes every year. We never know what the tax refund will be from year to year, so we really just don’t plan too much on this extra money. It usually comes to us and we use it for a fun weekend with the kids, dinner, maybe a new toy for each of them and a gadget or something hubby and I want and then we put the rest in the bank and through the next 6 months it magically disappears. I’ve been saying for YEARS that I want to take the taxes and take a family vacation with the kids. With the price of airline tickets and all the other expenses of a vacation, we haven’t been able to do that yet. We are planning to do it soon though. My other problem was I didn’t want to take them when they were too young and wouldn’t remember. At the age of 8 and 11, I think they will remember everything well. Since my trip to Florida and Disney 2 years ago, the kids really want to get to Disney. We are currently working on that plan.

How do you work on your taxes? Are you organized through the year or a rush at the last minute person? Do you save your taxes for something special or do you use it to catch up on bills from the year?

Disclosure: http://cmp.ly/3/lteepl

This is the x-ray that I was shown at the appointment when the orthopedic doctor and surgeon broke the news that I was going to need another surgery. You can see the bracket on the side was holding the bone in place, but the space in the area shows that there was no bone growth in that area. There was no option to leave this as it was. It wouldn’t have been stable and further down the line I could have ended up with a much worse off problem then I originally had. We had to fix it. The doctor’s first thought was to use bone from my heel. That would be the best benefit because it was my own bone. It however, wasn’t the best benefit for the situation. I really wanted to use donor bone because I didn’t want to risk him taking bone from some place else and ending up in further pain or have problems with another part of my body.

My knee has been a source of pain for me since I had the rod placed in my leg for the Tibia. That fracture, along with the fracture of my Fibula have healed. There is an option of removing the rod, but at this point I don’t want to mess with the knee any further. The pain is not constant, therefor let’s leave well enough alone. I am upset that the first time, 3 weeks ago, when the surgeon noticed it that he didn’t have the surgery done then. This would have ment that I would have had the surgery and been healed by now. He didn’t, he waited for the 3 weeks to pass “hoping” it would heal on it’s own, knowing that there was probably zero percent chance that it would heal up. Instead he gave me full independence. I was taking my kids to school and getting some routine in place. It wasn’t my usual routine, but it was better then nothing and better then the sleep/wake/veg state that I was in. Furthermore, I am upset that I spoke to the doctor on multiple occasions and made clear that I didn’t want any more surgeries and I further wanted the end of May at the VERY longest to be the deadline for being 100% on my foot. I realize that things take time to heal, but we were at a place where I was putting 40-50% weight on my foot. I was walking comfortably with little to no pain and was taking pain medication only minimally, sometimes days with none. He lead me to believe that my end of May expectation was completely within the realm of things. He even stated that coming out of surgery he felt that I would be walking at 40-50% weight bearing and that I would be fine doing the minor driving I was getting my kids back and forth to school and moving about.

Wednesday comes and I head to the hospital for surgery. He was also very aware that I was in no way staying over night at the hospital (Aurora Baycare Medical Center) given the situation and problems I had the first time. This was an outpatient surgery and I was not staying over night. In the event something happened that required an over night stay, I was to be transferred to my choice of hospital, which is my usual choice, Bellin Memorial. We check in and get ready for surgery, which the doctor was 1 hour behind, so that already frustrated me. It’s bad enough that at every appointment he’s running at least 30-60 minutes behind but for surgery too? Alas, I head in to surgery. It’s all done and the doctor comes out to speak to my husband. He shows him a series of pictures.

He proceeds to explain to my husband that this area (which he drew in pen and I highlighted in pink) is all missing bone that really needs to be there. It’s not and that is causing me the little pain I do have, but is also risky for me to re-injure the foot later. If that happens I could shatter the ankle to a point that I may not be able to get it fixed again. So I understand, I get it.. I wasn’t apposed to getting it fixed. My problem was the time he waited to do it AND NOW the way he DID fix it. There’s other photos, but ultimately they all show the same thing, from different angles. Here’s what he did:

He added in quite a bit of bone, which I ultimately decided would come from my hip. I chose this because it was the best of the choices and the quickest healing time. I was told that hip bone is pliable, but hard, so it would be a 1-2 week healing time. Taking bone marrow from my hip was 2-3 weeks healing and donor bone and the heel bone would be 3-4 weeks healing, sometimes longer. So I have an area on my hip with a small incision that he took bone from. The area is a little tender, but it’s not too painful. It’s more like a long lasting side ache. But alas, I was happy with this choice because it ment that I would be healed faster and back on my feet.

I come out of surgery and the doctor does stop and speak to me. Generally when they have talked to your family, they skip talking to you. I was surprised that he did, but I think he knew better and he knew I was going to get some information that was going to take my frustration with him to a whole new level! He tells me that it looks good and went well. He said the follow up appointment is on May 10th and that he would talk to me then about “toe touching”. No weight for right now. EXCUSE ME?!?! This was part of the pre-surgery discussion that we had. This was part of the decision process of using the hip bone versus another bone, marrow or donor bone. We’d also discussed how he was pretty sure that he would be able to remove almost all hardware, just leaving a small plate and maybe 1 screw, possibly two. I was okay with that. I told him I was okay with that. Before surgery he said he went back and looked through x-rays and he was sure he would need the plate. Again, it’s fine, we had discussed this potentially happening. What we did not discuss was the amount of hardware that he DID use and the possibility of needing ANOTHER surgery to remove that hardware.  The doctor told my husband that the hardware that is in there, other then the rod, has to come out because it’s not a material that can be left in there forever. So now that means I need ANOTHER surgery to remove hardware. He told my husband that this is a minor procedure and really it’s a few small puncture wounds and everything will come out.

Again.. EXCUSE ME?!?! I said I didn’t want anymore surgery. I wanted as little hardware as possible. The surgeon and I spoke MANY times about it and my feelings on things were crystal clear.. there was no grey area and he understood that. He even spoke to me about different situations that could happen and how we should deal with those situations. It was very out in the open. It was all very clear and we had discussed all the options. On Monday, I plan to get a copy of all the medical records from this orthopedic doctor/surgeon and taking them to a new doctor. I will get a second opinion and yes, while I can’t undo what this doctor has done and the healing that I need now as a result of that, I won’t let this doctor make ANY more choices when it comes to MY health. He clearly is jaded by the big dollar amount on his pay check and NOT the fact that I am a patient, a person with feelings, a woman with a family, someone that wants to be independent and not have to deal with all this day in and day out.

Oh and the kicker.. he found more grass, which he went ahead and removed. How is there still grass in my leg when he has went in to the foot over 12 times for pressure washing, scrubbing and surgeries? How do you over look something like that after all the times you’ve been in my foot? There is no way this doctor will make ANY choices regarding my future care. He’s right up there with the trauma surgeon, who told me he was much wiser then I was and that I didn’t know what was best for my health.

I’m over it.. Aurora, you lose! My health, my choice.. not yours and I am DONE with your shitty service, doctors and hospital.

]]> http://onescrappymom.com/2012/04/surgery-update-ortho-nightmare-oh-so-much-more/feed/ 7 http://onescrappymom.com/2012/04/dear-mr-plumber/ http://onescrappymom.com/2012/04/dear-mr-plumber/#comments Fri, 27 Apr 2012 03:39:15 +0000 Bobbie http://onescrappymom.com/?p=6880 I have to admit, my family is pretty handy. There is someone from all trades in my family, which makes it incredibly nice for me. If I need services I really never have to hire outside workers because someone in the family can usually do it for little to nothing, or for parts. It’s always a trade off because there are so many people in the family with different trades and tricks. The one thing that my family doesn’t have is a plumber.

This shouldn’t be a huge problem, except for the fact that I have an 8 year old son who thinks it’s hilarious to flush things down the toilet. I have no idea why he does it. But it’s hilarious to him and he continues to do it. I’ve gotten to the point where disciplining him seems to make him do it even more, so I try to not put any attention on the matter. I think the TRUE reason he likes to flush things is because he likes to PLUNGE things. Makes sense, right? He’s very smart when it comes to thinking his process through.

My daughter recently attended an indoor football game here (we have an NFL team and an indoor football team, as well as a hockey team all in our city). They did a 1/2 time show in which you could sign up to play games. There was a plumbing company that sponsored one of the games. They had you throw the U shaped seat like horseshoes. It was a good time and in the end my daughter walked away with a t-shirt. She was happy. The t-shirt is hilarious to me. Of course.. think of this from a plumbers stand point and you will get the little inside joke with the saying.

American Custom Contractors is a great place to look for contractors for all types of services, including roofing, siding, windows and more. If you have a child in your home that likes to plunge toilets, or even play with the tub drain in an effort to take a shower & bath at the same time, you don’t have to worry, help is not far away. I am really glad that we are able to get a plumber out to our home without much of a hassle. You never know when things are going to happen. Recently the bathroom toilet cracked and we tried to do a small repair on it to get us through, but it didn’t work and we ended up having to replace that toilet. I was hoping it would hold out until summer. In summer we plan to completely remodel that master bathroom and the toilet is one thing that was (and still is) going to be changed. We want to change the layout some and the shower unit has to come completely out. It’s going to have more of a walk in effect, but will need to be all custom because the size of the shower/tub in there now is larger then anything they sell. Of course that’s fine because we were actually thinking of going with tile, a double shower head and some other ideas we have. Spartan Plumbing, Heating & Air Conditioning is a woman owned and managed company and they have given us some amazing ideas that we are hoping will work. There really is so much to think about. We had planned to do this over the winter months, but I couldn’t decide on everything in time. We moved the deadline to summer in the end because as I know from the past, having contractors in and out is much easier when it’s not freezing cold outside. I am excited to get this project started within the next few months though!

Disclosure: http://cmp.ly/3/lteepl

There were times when nothing would soothe me like my mom. To this day, there are nights I call my mom just to talk. I need to hear her voice and even if she can’t change my situation, there is something about hearing your mom say “It will be okay. You are stronger then you think.” that makes things not quite as bad as they are.

This Mother’s day I want to celebrate the relationship that I’ve had with my mom over the last 30+ years. I may not have agreed with her when I was younger and we always had our differences (what child and mother don’t), but she’s my mother and I love her! Finding unique Mother’s Day gifts really was easier then I thought. I am big on personalization, so just about anything personal I know she will love. My mom recently told me that she has cards and things I made her at school that she kept. I thought that was so sweet. I know the kids bring home SO much stuff that it’s difficult to keep track of everything. I hate to throw things away, but I literally have 10 galloon totes from each year of school that the kids bring home. I just can’t bear to part with it. At least not yet. I believe that I will be like my mom and when my children are in their 30′s reveal the same thing to them that she revealed to me.

Every year we take a family vacation. It’s my brother (or brothers when the other feels like coming), my dad, my mom, my children, my husband and myself. It’s always a good time. I love to disconnect from the computer and technology and spend a week with my family. It’s a tradition we’ve done for years. This year however, we aren’t doing the vacation. With rising prices of things and everything my family has been through this year, it’s just not possible. My mom and I are taking a vacation though. We are flying to South Carolina to spend time with family. I am looking forward to the trip so much. My mom really needs this vacation, as do I and this is truly the first time that I can think that we’ve ever taken a trip or vacation (not even something overnight) without the rest of the family. My mom has been my rock for the last few months. I am so excited to get to spend this time with her. It will also be the first time she is flying, so I am excited to be a part of that milestone with her!

This Mother’s Day, share a photo of you and your mother (or you and your child) and enter to win a $100 Gift Certificate! This contest is random and will not require any judging or votes! Head over to Facebook and enter to win! I’m sure mom would LOVE a $100 Gift Certificate to treat her to something extra special! The contest is sponsored by YesVideo (which is an amazing service that will help you keep all your precious memories on a DVD). You can find them on Facebook as well and Twitter for updates, other contest information and so much more!

Disclosure: http://cmp.ly/3/lteepl